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The most common things you can find me doing these days:
- Drinking Snapple Raspberry White Tea like its going out of style
- Playing the Sims 2 and Civilization 4 with my ubermicro
- Watching internet television religiously
- Mowing my neighbor’s lawn in a red bandanna, wild west robber style
- Catching up on LOST, Heroes, and Black Donnellys
- Eating sugar free Jello from the little plastic cups
- Wearing my three month old pair of contacts with bloodshot eyes
- Whoring up the DoD forums
- Making tacos
- Having at least two bowls of Rice Crispies with every meal (all 6 or 7 of them)
- Not Blogging and being generally lazy. Sorry. (no, I haven’t found my way to the library)
As most of my readers know, I used to be addicted to the online game World of Warcraft (WoW). It was pretty bad there for a while; logging some 120+ hours a week playing the stupid thing. I tried to quit a few times but could never stay away for more than a few weeks. When I finally kicked the habit a few months ago, I decided to start doing some other things to help keep my mind away from the game. Reading and writing was one of them–and that’s how this blog was born.
I really want to thank everyone who checks in with me daily, despite my lack of fresh content, and everyone who bitches me out for not posting something new–of which the later has been growing increasingly in the recent week. I want to apologize for being a steaming sack of lazy-shit too, ha-ha. Like I told my ‘coon-slaying WoW buddy over ventrilo last night: I’ve stopped writing because I’ve stopped reading. My last order from Amazon is on a three or four odd week delay, and I don’t have the money to go buy new books. So, what I need from you, my reader, is to suggest something for me to read. The cheaper (by cheap I mean free) the better.
I look forward to it. Gimme something good.
This blog has a page I can visit to check all sorts of different stats; daily hits, incoming links, referrers, most read posts, and whatnot. There’s also–what has recently become my favorite–a search engine results section, which shows the search used if someone comes to my blog from a search engine. These are a few reasons why it’s my favorite section:
- probation officer excuses in texas
- shit curb alignment
- sex carton picture
- sex in the bedroom
- sex positions driving
- list of excuses for my probation officer
- bad sex positions
- air force questions going to jail
- scool sex [sic]
- cop questions typical can i see your lic…
Obviously there are a ton of sex searches. I mean, we’re a race of sex-fiends for crying out loud. I just think the obscurity of some of them (“sex singe”, “bad sex positions”,”hallway+sex”) is funny. But the thing that cracks me up the most are people who don’t know how to use a search engine–in the case that you’re one of them, I laugh at you. You use keywords. “hallway+sex” is actually a good example. But you’ll be surprised–at least, if you know how to do it–at how many people just type a question into a search. Here’s a few hits I’ve gotten recently:
- am i going to lose my licence for speeding? (well it helps if you can spell license, ha-ha)
- am i going to lose my license
- how old do you have to be to sit in the… (gets cut off. ‘front seat’ maybe?)
- i want a real picture of a sex position
They just crack me up sometimes, so I thought I’d share them with everyone. I’m sure there will be plenty more to come now that I’ve put the words ‘obscure’ and ’sex’ in the same sentence. By the way, does anyone know what the fuck a ’sex singe’ is? Ha-ha, sounds painful.
Sorry guys, I’m just not really in the humor mindset lately. I’ve been reading every ounce of fiction I can get my greedy little eyes on; most of it with a dark, science, or supernatural element. I’ve got my heart set on writing some flash fiction and shorts, and possibly a novella when I’ve worked out the details.
Also, nothing has really happened in my life lately, so I have nothing to tell. I appreciate the traffic and the interest, though, and I hope you guys bear with me through my dry spell.
I promise that when something happens, aside from my normal routine–sitting on my ass, eating, sleeping all day, and reading–I’ll write about it as soon as I get the chance. Until then, be careful who you call a ‘nappy headed ho’.
I always have a difficult time when I’m trying to start writing something. The plot, no problem. The ending, no problem. It’s all about the first sentence of that first paragraph. Because, from there, you can take your story anywhere. But everything has to start somewhere. Blogs are no exception.
So here I sit, struggling with the first line of the first paragraph. Wish me luck.
